The Little Old Lady from (South) Pasadena

View from South Pas House

It's official.  We closed on our retirement house in South Pasadena last week. Unfortunately, we won't actually be living there until Barry retires from his Denver job, but I can now see my future as The Little Old Lady from (South) Pasadena.

For those of you too young to remember it or for those of you too old to remember the classic lyrics, take a listen to this 1964 Beach Boys song with a click here.  Back in the day, I was never a big Beach Boys fan - they seemed too clean cut to me and that California sound was way too far away for this Jersey girl.  In 1964, I was entranced with the Beatles, the British invasion of music, and the R & B sounds that were the soundtrack for my childhood.  But somehow the Beach Boys' songs and lyrics have stuck with me, and I still remember their big hits.  I could never have imagined then that I'd be living in so many places all over the country and that I'd wind up actually being that little old lady.

So the lyrics go:  ". . . and everybody's sayin' there's nobody meaner than the little old lady from Pasadena . . ."  That would be me.

April (Snow) Showers & Carpe Diem

April 3, 2012

After a glorious spring month of March with nary a snowflake to be seen, today is a gloomy snowy day.  The fact that April has begun seems to not impress the snow gods even one little bit.

But today is gloomy for reasons more significant than the weather.  I learned early this morning that my friend Sheila died today.  She was a wonderful person - liked by all. Sheila was a retired kindergarten teacher so that tells you right there that she was kind, patient and giving.  We had dinner together at Nicola's on LaVista the day she learned her diagnosis.  By that time, we had both researched the long name for what she had on the internet and both knew that the prognosis wasn't good.  So we cried, we laughed, we talked, and, of course, we drank wine.  We hoped that she would be included in the small percentage of people who were able to beat her kind of cancer, but it didn't work out that way. 

So, once again, the lesson to be learned is life is short.  Seize the day.

Sloshing Past the Doldrums

In my last blog post, I mentioned that I had attended a four-day seminar in Santa Barbara called LifeLaunch.  I didn't seek this out - it found me in the form of my friends who harassed me into going.  There were people at the seminar from all over - Australia, Belgium, Netherlands, etc. - and as we began on Day 1, they spoke about how they researched a variety of courses to eventually settle on this one.  When it was my turn to speak, I said that I had no idea what we would do here since I came at the request of my friends and had done little to no research about what to expect.  But, if I had been totally honest, I would have said that I went because this is my year of expecting more from myself (always mindful of my new year's resolutions).

LifeLaunch is really for people in transition, and I'm not actually at that point, having moved from grits to granola about a year and a half ago.  But I still don't feel as settled in Denver as I'd like and certainly don't feel at all like I did when I lived in Atlanta with my great life there.  It's been confusing to me to not be able to settle down the way I'd like, and it's been too long to continue to whine about it.  Right before I left for Santa Barbara, I read a quote that resonated with me, and I finally understood what was wrong. It's from Azar Nafisi, who wrote in Reading Lolita in Tehran (which I've never read but now want to):  "You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place . . . like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are at this time and this place, because you will never be this way, ever again."  This was exactly my problem.  I knew that I'd never be the person who I was in Atlanta, and it's a bit confusing to figure out who else I wanted to be.

The time spent at LifeLaunch was definitely worthwhile.  I've never spent four days of introspection before and may never again.  As you can see from the photo above, LifeLaunch divides your life into four phases with the idea that while all phases are necessary, the ultimate goal is to be in Phase I: "Go For It".  As the coaches explained the various phases, I realized that I had definitely been in Phase II: "The Doldrums" for a good part of 2011.  But now that we've made it to 2012, I found that I was sloshing (their term, not mine) between Phase II and Phase III:  "Cocooning", where you spend a good deal of time by yourself trying to figure out your next steps.  There are no limits to the number of times that an individual may go through these phases in a lifetime. The important thing is to not get stuck where you don't want to be, i.e. The Doldrums.

LifeLaunch utilized small groups and visualization of your goals.  It has its own vocabulary for the various exercises that we performed, such as "bouldering". Bouldering describes verbalizing your goals, specifying all of the negative things that you say to yourself to sabotage these goals (the boulders that keep you from achieving), and then both physically and mentally breaking through those boulders to get to the other side.  On Day 4, we spent all of our time creating detailed individual plans for how we would achieve the goals that we set for ourselves.  The plan includes dates for accomplishment, and I'm trying to stay on track.

This experience was actually a lot of fun - much laughter and getting to know a whole new group of varied people.  I came back feeling lighter, happier and more focused, though I can't exactly explain why.  Maybe I've sloshed my way into Phase IV: "Getting Ready"?

California Dreaming

Birds of Paradise grow all over in California

Since I last posted on this blog, I've been to California twice.  The first trip was to the L.A. area where we spent a week in a cute rental house and did serial real estate hunting with our agent every day.  The result of this trip was that we have a contract on a house in South Pasadena.  As anyone who has ever bought or sold a house knows, any deal can sour until the closing, so I continue to keep my fingers crossed that it will work out.  This does not mean that we will move to California any time soon, but just that we will already own our retirement home when the time comes.

View from house with spiral staircase to rooftop deck

Our interest in this house proves a real estate adage that I've been told:  "Buyers are liars."  Originally, we told our agents that we wanted a condo near the beach in a walking neighborhood.  Well, this house is none of those things.  It's small, built in 1939 though has a modern California look.  The selling point is the beautiful 180° view as the house is high up in the hills.  If you would like to see photos of the house and view, shoot me an email and I will send you a link.

Santa Barbara

My second and more recent trip to California just ended on Sunday when I returned from what my daughter referred to as my "hippy retreat" in Santa Barbara.  In reality, I went to a seminar called LifeLaunch at The Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara with my good buds from Atlanta, Cloe and Haley.  We had an amazing time.  Santa Barbara was so lovely; the seminar was very different from anything that I've ever attended and requires a lot more time to explain than I have right now; and I loved spending time with my wonderful friends.

Moi, Haley & Cloe - 3/3/12
(Photo by Jozef Lievens)

So a little over 2 months into 2012 and I'm happy to say that I have been working on my new year's resolutions - in particular, these trips to California work right into Resolutions # 2, 3, 5 and 8.  I review all of the resolutions often and hope to stay on track as the year goes by.

Winter and Books

View from my desk, February 7, 2012

As I write this on Tuesday morning, it is snowing AGAIN.  Last week, we had a record snowstorm that started on Thursday afternoon and kept going until Saturday mid-morning.  The more I experience winter weather, the more I realize that I wouldn't miss it one bit if I never had to submit to this winter wonderland ever again.  Many people here in Colorado actually seem to like the winter and bemoan a lack of snow when it impedes their many winter sports.  I do not count myself as one of those people. Rather, I feel more like Dr. Seuss as I say:

No, I don't like snow and ice,

I'm as fond of them as I am of lice.

I also detest the brutal cold,

It's quite miserable, if truth be told.

When the temp gets in single digits,

It gives me shivering fits.

I long for the warmth of the sun,

And look forward to enjoying that fun.

So I don't enjoy ice and snow.

It makes me want to say a great big no, no, no!

Terrace, February 4, 2012

Table on Terrace, February 4, 2012

One thing that has always been there for me - through rain, sleet, snow, etc. - is reading.  It's one of the great joys of my life, and it keeps me going even in the worst weather.  What's wonderful about it is that you don't really need anything except a book (or, in my current case, an e-reader).  I've had a good run of contemporary fiction recently and thought some of you readers might enjoy a list of the books that I've enjoyed.  So happy winter and here's the list.

Caleb's Crossing                                                  Geraldine Brooks

State of Wonder                                                   Ann Patchett

The Family Fang                                                 Kevin Wilson

Imperfect Birds                                                    Anne Lamott

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children       Ransom Riggs

Dreams of Joy                                                     Lisa See

The Marriage Plot                                               Jeffrey Eugenides

You Deserve Nothing                                         Alexander Maksik

We the Animals                                                  Justin Torres

The Postmistress                                                Sarah Blake

The Night Circus                                                Erin Morgenstern

The Leftovers                                                     Tom Perrotta

The Way the Crow Flies                                      Ann-Marie MacDonald

A Visit from the Goon Squad                             Jennifer Egan

The Invisible Bridge                                           Julie Orringer

R.I.P., Ms. Vickie

I would be remiss to let this month go by without writing about Ms. Vickie, a woman I greatly admired.  I first met her in March 2000 when I went to interview her for my first CASA case at her cramped, dark apartment, off MLK in Atlanta.

Until their mother dropped off her two great-nephews, ages 3 and 5, Ms. Vickie lived alone.  She had no children of her own and never married.  After a few days of trying to contact their mother, Ms. Vickie realized that she wasn't coming back to pick up her sons.  So Ms. Vickie filed a case in Juvenile Court to get legal authority to take care of these boys.  She really stepped up to the plate when she decided to keep the boys with her.  It would have been easier to let them loose in the foster care system, but she didn't want to do that.

So this single lady on disability raised these boys for the last 12 years.  It wasn't ever easy for her - money was always a big issue as the parents of these boys weren't inclined to pay child support.  I'm not sure how she was able to manage but I know it was a struggle and a source of constant stress for her.   She always drove an old, rattletrap of a car that never seemed to be working right. She even learned how to do many repairs herself with secondhand parts and would often explain to me how she completed the repairs, which was always way too complicated for me.

With her own high school diploma framed and prominently displayed on her living room wall, Ms. Vickie stressed education with the boys and was more than a "hands on parent".  She watched them like a hawk, and they could get away with very little.  She encouraged them to be in sports and ROTC with her hope being that the older boy would join the Marines when he graduated this spring and the younger boy, a great student, would go to college.  She was far from perfect.  She was a hoarder and her house looked like the ones you see on that hoarding show on tv, actually pretty scary. But she made up for this with good parenting values, and I realized there were some things I just needed to overlook.

Over the years, we became unlikely friends as we bonded over the boys' best interests. She would call me every couple of weeks to report on the boys, both good and bad. Sometimes we would commiserate over how hard headed teenagers can be. Sometimes we'd rejoice together over an award or accomplishment.  These calls continued, even after I left Atlanta.  I still wanted to know how the boys were doing, and she still wanted to tell me.

A few weeks ago, she left me a voicemail on January 9th.  I didn't get a chance to call her back that day, and when I called back the next day, the older boy answered her cell phone.  He told me she had a heart attack and died just that afternoon, January 10th. Such a sad day - she was too young (a few years younger than me) to go this way and to miss seeing the fruits of her labors by watching the boys turn into the fine adults I hope they will be.

I somehow hoped that I had heard wrong on the phone and that she would be calling me back soon, but it didn't happen.  Instead, her brother, who lived across the street in their small Georgia town, called me to let me know he would be taking care of the boys. I've never met him but hope that he can fill the big, empty shoes that Ms. Vickie left behind.  Rest in Peace, Ms. Vickie.  You will be missed.

Here's to a Year of Expecting MORE

2011 was a year of transition for me, and that's always tough.  So I basically gave myself a pass on many things, acknowledging that just coping with new places, people, culture, climate, etc., was probably enough without expecting much more.  My life definitely changed a lot in 2011 - much more hermit-like.  I hate to admit it, but there are many days (due to a lack of places to go and people to see, combined with cold temperatures) when I never actually leave our building.  

But now here we are in 2012, a whole new year ready and waiting.  I'm personally a fan of new year's resolutions because it's always good to take stock of where you are in life and where you want to be.  I enjoyed re-reading my 2011 resolutions that I wrote on this blog a year ago and seeing how I've done.

So I apologize if I bore you with my resolutions for this new year, and please feel free to stop reading right here.  I write them because it makes me a bit more accountable, and I also believe that if you envision it, it's more likely to come true.

Without further fanfare, here are my 2012 resolutions:

The first two are perennial resolutions, and the rest are particular to this year.

1.  Lose weight.  I made some successful inroads on this perennial resolution in 2011 but not enough to cross it off the list.  I'm probably about halfway there.  I continue to work with trainer Courtney a/k/a Killer who has perfected the double-stinkeye dirty look when she suspects I have not been diligent in my exercise and food intake.  I wonder if they offer classes in dirty looks in trainer school.

2.   Have more fun.  You can never have too much.

3.   Expect MORE of myself in all aspects of my life.  The transition year is over, and I can be quite lazy.  Time to take myself to task and get more accomplished.

4.   Finish (and I mean really finish) the book that I have been working on for many years with my friend Ruth.  After a hiatus of at least a year, we have started working on this again with a total rewrite.  I want to complete this project and move on to something new.

5.   Buy a place to retire in California.  Last year, one of my resolutions was to sell our house in Atlanta, and that was accomplished.  So this year, we hope to buy a place that we can look forward to when we eventually leave Denver.  We've done a bit of looking already, and it's complicated.  More to come on this at a future time.

6.   The year of the puppy!  We have been dog-less for a couple of years now.  While there are definite advantages to not owning a dog, we very much miss the canine company.  So hopefully we will add to our family in 2012.

7.   Spend at least 3 hours per week organizing closets, drawers, cabinets.  I've learned that, for me at least,  general goals (like #2 and #3 above) don't work as well as very specific goals.   So rather than just say organize my stuff, I want to be much more specific.  Although our apartment looks neat, what lies beyond the cabinet and closet doors and file drawers is not so pretty.  When we moved in, I didn't really have the time to go through individual items but now I do.  I really want to get rid of all that is extraneous, as I know there is another move in our future that will benefit greatly from the time that I put in this year.

8.   Do something new, whether it is volunteer someplace new or take a course in something.  Last year, I volunteered at a day shelter for women and will continue to do this.  I've volunteered to help the same shelter with their gala/auction, something I feel comfortable that I have the experience to do.  I also took  cooking classes with a friend, which I'd never done before.  I learned, among other things, that I didn't even know how to crack an egg properly (I always did it on the edge of the bowl, which is wrong).

May your 2012 be healthy, happy, grateful and productive as we all strive for doing and enjoying MORE.